My Teeth!

Today, I took a nap.
During my nap I dreamed that my teeth were falling out.
Falling out at the slightest touch.
I was bleeding from the mouth.
Aaron "dropped me off" at the dentist.
I stood in the waiting room, bleeding from the mouth with about 20 teeth in my cupped hands.
A man said, "You'll be okay, we'll be right with you."
I was bawling.
Bawling.
I woke up to Aaron calling me on the phone but I couldn't answer because I was out of breath.
I was; I was out of breath!

I was reading my book.
My phone notified me of an e-mail.
The e-mail had been long awaited.
The e-mail was from the school at which I interviewed for a teaching position.
The e-mail said that they no longer had an opening because the other teachers each decided to pick up an extra class period.

My teeth were falling out,
I STILL don't have a real job,
and I don't see any hope of having one soon.
I kind of really want to cry.

Hello, me

Yes, it's about time I caught up with myself. I feel like I've been lost for the past five months. I can't believe I've even made it through.

I'm at the point now where I am torn between celebrating and diving into deep depression. I have one whole week of teaching and a half week of "finals" left in my student teaching experience. I am so excited to have my life back and not work for eight hours a day without pay while someone else gets paid to watch me and check his email (seriously, who thought that up!?). I'm excited to think that my chances (theoretically) of being hired to teach will now go up. I've had fun getting to know my students and getting to know my own teaching style (to a degree). BUT I don't know what to do with the free time that is coming up. I will go from teaching 8 hours + working at night + 2 ridiculous classes to >> nothing + working a shift or two at B&N + more nothing. I will definite have a post-busy-and-unbearable-lifestyle emotional break down at some point. I will cry that it's over and I (probably) don't have a teaching job, I don't have many friends to hangout with or reflect with, I still have the crappiest family in all of ... well, my life. These are all the things I haven't invested emotions into for the last five months because I have invested every ounce of emotion into "hanging-in-there" and "just-getting-it-done."

Next

The topic of children has been floating to the surface so often lately! I have thought about it often and Aaron has talked about it, and people around me are pregnant, and people on TV want and are having children, and I'm babysitting those life sucking, evil, beautiful girls   .... now, the book I'm reading (we'll get to that) is talking about it! It's everywhere!

Next

Because things are winding down (kinda) I've been reading Belong to Me by Marisa de los Santos. It's beautiful! I've just been so pleased to dive into it but also so careful to savor it. She writes with such tenderness but writes so vividly. She allows readers to not just see the plot but feel the plot and get a complete understanding of the thoughts running through each characters head (and so realistically... like their head actually existed!). I've just been so pleased. And then I realized why I was pleased: Marisa de los Santos has a doctoral degree in literature and creative writing! I had once twittered "I love reading good books." And I didn't  even know how to describe why I put it on my "good books" list, but HELLO!!! Finally someone who deserves to be a doctor of literature and creative writing and who deserves to be a best-selling author, and I just happen to run across her books (thanks to a VERY good friend)... that's the "good books" experience. And honestly, that experience is some kind of sparkling joy that, when poured into you, gives you that uncomfortable but pleasing and refreshing carbonated tears-in-your-eyes kind of feeling. It's that "it's so good, I want more, but the bubbles are making me tear up so I'll have to drink it slowly," kind of feeling that is nearly indescribable. It sounds ridiculous or just "off" but I've found so much joy in reading in the past few years - and this is one of the high points of the already-awesome feeling books give me.

Dear me,
I feel like it's just been a while. It's been too long, that's for sure. But soon we may grow tired of each other again - and quickly - so be prepared.
With great sincerity and honestly,
Me

Twittereded

I did it.... I gave in and got a twitter account. And now I tweet...tweet... tweet.

twitter: stephuren

5k Run - Fundraiser for Haiti Relief

NPN LA Marathon 5k Run
Team World Vision
Fundraiser for Haiti Relief

Los Angeles, CA | March 20, 2010

Start Time: 8:00 am @ Dodger Stadium, Lot G

Help our neighbors in Haiti: Join Team World Vision at the LA Marathon 5k and raise funds to help provide emergency supplies and long-term recovery.
No fundraising minimum! Every amount helps.

ViSiT THe WeBSiTE HeRe To LeaRN MoRe!
I would love others to join me!

Economic, Social and Cultural Rights for All

Modern Slavery - Human Trafficking

Prayer for Haiti

Written on behlaf of the NewSong Church community
Read on 1/23/10 with the congregation

Reader:
Dear God, we pray to you today, knowing that you are the Healer, the Rescuer, the Light of the World. We pray that you would heal those who have been hurt in the earthquake in Haiti. Touch them and allow your gentle healing hand to comfort them in their pain. Provide medical workers that are willing to serve. Bless those medical works that have responded and give them peace as they spend this time surrounded by tragedy. Show your mercy and power by healing your creation in Haiti.

Response:
You, God, are the Great Healer. Reveal yourself and be glorified in restoring Haiti back to health. Comfort those who are hurting and provide strength for those who are ill.

Reader:
We pray, Lord, that you would rescue those who have been trapped or not yet found in Haiti. Bring hope for those who have lost loved ones and for those who have not yet heard the status of their loved ones. Strengthen rescue workers to continue their work. Provide the needed supplies for rescue and recovery in Haiti.

Response:
You, Lord, have the power to rescue. Show your mercy to those who are lost or trapped and bring hope to those who are awaiting their return. Rescue your creation in Haiti and be glorified as the one who saves.

Reader:
Jesus, you are the Light of the World. We have seen your faithfulness in the past and we have chosen to trust you. We pray that you would reveal yourself – your faithfulness, your great power, your grace and mercy, and your persistent hope. Show Haiti that you are the God that is worthy of all praise. Show Haiti that in you there is no darkness. Restore Haiti. Provide homes for the homeless; provide food for the hungry; provide safety for the threatened; provide hope to those who are without hope! Be the light that leads Haiti to recovery.

Response:
You, Jesus, are the Light of the World. Be the hope that Haiti needs. Shine your light in this dark place and make yourself known. Call hearts to turn to you and restore their souls as you restore their land. Lord, in Haiti, be praised and be glorified.

Amen.