Harder Than You Think

I'm sure I look alright... but I'm taking this harder than you might think. My insides tighten and my eyes water when I think about it. It makes me physically ill. I've decided to withdraw from my online class because I can't think straight and I don't feel even slightly motivated to care about school. My mind is racing... over the same road again and again. I'm not hungry. I can't sleep without dreaming horrible dreams (none nearly as harmful as reality, I suppose). I dreamed that all of my teeth fell out when I took a "nap" yesterday. I don't want to be around ANYONE but you, Mikey and Aaron. I'm sad for you and sad for me. I feel guilty that I didn't see it before. I feel guilty that I'm not near by to talk to you. I feel guilty that I live so far away. I'm afraid you think I left you. I miss you so hard it hurts. I showed up at work today, turned on my computer, and started to cry... then I went home. I went grocery shopping today because we had absolutely no food in our apartment... I had to listen to my iPod because I was afraid I'd think about all this and break down crying in the middle of the store. I wanted to text you... but I knew you wouldn't get it. I'll probably start taking medicine too, as soon as I can get help.

I'm sure I look alright... but I'm taking this harder than you might think.

I DID IT!!! (and other random thoughts)

I passed my first two sections of the CSET. That's the test that I thought there was no way I passed... yeah... that one! It has totally made my whole day 10x brighter. I'm just glad I don't have to re-take them. I do have to take the other two sections, but... two down, two to go. One step closer to being a REAL teacher!

Also, I made it through November! I'm so happy that it's December. November was just a little too crazy and I almost completely lost it.

Now... I really want to go back to India this summer. I want to be able to visit Janaman and make some progress on starting the orphanage. The problem: I don't have the money and I don't want to ask everyone AGAIN. The other problem: I reeeeeally wanna go!!! (right Amber?)