Lately I've been deeply saddened when reflecting on how quickly and easily friends come and go. People I thought I was "close to" just don't show up anymore. I move away from college and friendships fall away completely. I'm sad to look back on wedding photos and see faces I haven't seen in years! I'm sad that one of my bridesmaid actually had a baby and I only heard one thing about it - "can you come to my baby shower?" And that's after I contacted her several times without any response from her! I just feel like, can you get close to ANYONE without being hurt? Who has close friendships? Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong? I've even verbally expressed my deep commitment to a friend... and then she announced to me that she and her husband were moving out of town through a TEXT MESSAGE. I just don't understand. Who wants to commit with me? Who wants to be serious about living life together? Who wants to know the ins and outs of me (maybe that's the issue right there) and be known too? Who wants to NOT be surprised that I'd call them first to make a big announcement?
I feel so alone. I don't even think there are more than 2 people in this world that I'd consider myself "close" with (and it's true - one of them I don't talk to much but sincerely adore [Jenn!]). I feel like there are 2 people who actually know me and still stick around.
I thought this is what EVERYONE longed for. Am I really that abnormal?
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oh steph! this post brought tears to my eyes. i so empathize with what you are feeling. and we seriously don't talk nearly enough, but i always consider you in my close knit circle. it is so hard to find people that will remain there with you. i wished we lived closer to one another, or were perhaps better phone people ;) but i hope and pray that we remain close in each other's lives, and would work to continue to foster that in the present. i think it is truly what people want, we just live in this jacked up society, and we're all messed up, and we tend to hide from each other. it's so sad, and i'm ready to change that. love you much my friend!
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