Hello, me

Yes, it's about time I caught up with myself. I feel like I've been lost for the past five months. I can't believe I've even made it through.

I'm at the point now where I am torn between celebrating and diving into deep depression. I have one whole week of teaching and a half week of "finals" left in my student teaching experience. I am so excited to have my life back and not work for eight hours a day without pay while someone else gets paid to watch me and check his email (seriously, who thought that up!?). I'm excited to think that my chances (theoretically) of being hired to teach will now go up. I've had fun getting to know my students and getting to know my own teaching style (to a degree). BUT I don't know what to do with the free time that is coming up. I will go from teaching 8 hours + working at night + 2 ridiculous classes to >> nothing + working a shift or two at B&N + more nothing. I will definite have a post-busy-and-unbearable-lifestyle emotional break down at some point. I will cry that it's over and I (probably) don't have a teaching job, I don't have many friends to hangout with or reflect with, I still have the crappiest family in all of ... well, my life. These are all the things I haven't invested emotions into for the last five months because I have invested every ounce of emotion into "hanging-in-there" and "just-getting-it-done."

Next

The topic of children has been floating to the surface so often lately! I have thought about it often and Aaron has talked about it, and people around me are pregnant, and people on TV want and are having children, and I'm babysitting those life sucking, evil, beautiful girls   .... now, the book I'm reading (we'll get to that) is talking about it! It's everywhere!

Next

Because things are winding down (kinda) I've been reading Belong to Me by Marisa de los Santos. It's beautiful! I've just been so pleased to dive into it but also so careful to savor it. She writes with such tenderness but writes so vividly. She allows readers to not just see the plot but feel the plot and get a complete understanding of the thoughts running through each characters head (and so realistically... like their head actually existed!). I've just been so pleased. And then I realized why I was pleased: Marisa de los Santos has a doctoral degree in literature and creative writing! I had once twittered "I love reading good books." And I didn't  even know how to describe why I put it on my "good books" list, but HELLO!!! Finally someone who deserves to be a doctor of literature and creative writing and who deserves to be a best-selling author, and I just happen to run across her books (thanks to a VERY good friend)... that's the "good books" experience. And honestly, that experience is some kind of sparkling joy that, when poured into you, gives you that uncomfortable but pleasing and refreshing carbonated tears-in-your-eyes kind of feeling. It's that "it's so good, I want more, but the bubbles are making me tear up so I'll have to drink it slowly," kind of feeling that is nearly indescribable. It sounds ridiculous or just "off" but I've found so much joy in reading in the past few years - and this is one of the high points of the already-awesome feeling books give me.

Dear me,
I feel like it's just been a while. It's been too long, that's for sure. But soon we may grow tired of each other again - and quickly - so be prepared.
With great sincerity and honestly,
Me