I feel overwhelmed. And I'm sad that I say that so often.
It would be one thing if I went to school and worked. Instead I work two very awkward and slightly-unstable jobs, I'm going to school to get a better job, I am leader of this hardly-existent non-committed mission catalyst team, I'm part of the NewSong missions board, I go to a weekly bible study, and I have the whole "start an orphanage" thing hanging over my head. By the way, I'm supposed to still be a wife, friend, sister, and PERSON during all of this too.
I spend a lot of my time feeling guilty that I can't spend more time on these things I committed to. I feel like people look at me and think I'm lazy and slack off all the time. I feel like I do too many things and not enough things well. I feel guilty studying when Aaron's around because he wants to spent time with me. I feel guilty studying when I could be working. I feel bad working so much that I can't see friends. I feel bad hanging out with anyone when I haven't e-mail the mission catalyst team. I feel bad that I haven't e-mail Janaman because I feel I can't make decisions he wants me to make. I feel bad that I don't work enough to contribute much money to our budget.
But I'm not even sure what to leave behind. What do I drop? What do I DITCH?
Really, I mean seriously, being real for a minute here.... I want to quit it all just because I'm so tired and so torn. I haven't even found a counselor yet! I haven't made time to deal with things that are eating me from the inside out.
I'm just overwhelmed... and I can't really sleep.
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