I'm sure I look alright... but I'm taking this harder than you might think. My insides tighten and my eyes water when I think about it. It makes me physically ill. I've decided to withdraw from my online class because I can't think straight and I don't feel even slightly motivated to care about school. My mind is racing... over the same road again and again. I'm not hungry. I can't sleep without dreaming horrible dreams (none nearly as harmful as reality, I suppose). I dreamed that all of my teeth fell out when I took a "nap" yesterday. I don't want to be around ANYONE but you, Mikey and Aaron. I'm sad for you and sad for me. I feel guilty that I didn't see it before. I feel guilty that I'm not near by to talk to you. I feel guilty that I live so far away. I'm afraid you think I left you. I miss you so hard it hurts. I showed up at work today, turned on my computer, and started to cry... then I went home. I went grocery shopping today because we had absolutely no food in our apartment... I had to listen to my iPod because I was afraid I'd think about all this and break down crying in the middle of the store. I wanted to text you... but I knew you wouldn't get it. I'll probably start taking medicine too, as soon as I can get help.
I'm sure I look alright... but I'm taking this harder than you might think.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I have been praying for you. I can't even imagine how hard this is for you. Just don't blame yourself. We all make choices and we can't always keep other people from making bad ones, especially those that are the closest to us. Take care of yourself--take the time you need to do what is healthy for you.
Post a Comment